Tuesday, 17 May 2011

"I am who I am" (Exodus 3:14)


I haven’t spoken a word since the day I lost everything in Dresden. This was the worst day ever and it amazed me how that bomb set my whole life on fire. It was February fourteenth nineteen-forty five. The day of lovers. This also happened to be the day that Anna told me she was pregnant. I had never loved her more. Every year, on this day, when I see a young couple in love, I want to warn them that everyday is a new day, and anything is possible. Tomorrow could be the last day they spend together, and they should treat each other as so.


 It was said that over thirty-five thousand people were killed that day in Dresden, and Anna and our child she was carrying, were of them. Ever since I lost Anna, I’ve lost my voice. She was the one, the absolute one. The image of that day will continue to live vicariously in my memory forever. People melting everywhere, wailing out of horror and running as if to catch their own lives.

 The worst part was knowing that Anna and our child were gone and there was nothing I could do. Traumatized and left with only memories; nothing to go back to. No home. Nothing. I would never be the same again, and so my voice felt as if it was its duty to be the first to leave.

Everyday since then, I’ve keep empty notebooks to write down things I need others to know. It is my way of communicating with society. Frequently people ask why I do not speak, now I can write this link down in my notebook and they can read my story. I hope this blog speaks to them, as this is who I am. No holding back.


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