Leaving his mother, Julia, was one of the easiest decisions I have ever made. Almost too easy. I could think of a million reasons why this was right. She’s pregnant. I love Anna. Anna carried my child. I lost Anna and our child. All these reasons are selfish and I know they are. But knowing that I lost Anna and our child, I could not face to lose another child again. I loved that unborn child and now refuse to love anything in fear losing it. Leaving was the easiest and best thing to do. This was my way of protecting him. He would never have to lose someone that he loved, his father.
The day I lost my father was traumatizing. I remember the bomb falling, and all the wailing cries coming from people whose skin was melting off their bodies. As soon as the bomb fell, the first thing I though about was Anna and how I knew in my heart that I had lost them. I ran home to my family, but it was too late. The house was in flames and no one could get out alive. In the end, all that was left standing was the front door.
The last thing I want is for my son is to go through a traumatizing experience. But I was too late. The hour of his death, also ended in flames. My opportunity was lost. My son was lost. Never to be seen or heard from again, by the people who loved him, or whom he loved.
If I had known it would end like this, I would have not have left him or Julia. I knew, no matter what, it would hurt to lose a son I never met. What I did not know, is that A Anna and Thomas would both leave this earth the same way, in flames. I tried to be a winner by protecting him, but I guess sometimes winners are meant to lose. Now my son will never know his father, who realized he made a mistake.
Dad,
ReplyDeleteThis is the one time I feel I can truly say I know what it is like. I know what it is like to lose the person you love. That day Thomas left for his meeting, in the North Tower of the World Trade Centre, was the best morning we’ve had in our ten years of marriage. He got up early to make me breakfast in bed, got Oskar ready for school, kissed me goodbye and off he went. Thomas was the best husband that has walked this earth. The immense amount of love he had for Oskar and I was inconceivable. Your son strived to be the father he never knew and the husband Julia never had. I never want you to feel like you missed out Thomas or that you were an unrecognized figure in his life. Thomas thought about you every night and day. He thought about what it would be to see you again. He realized that that day he came to find you, in search of his long lost father, must have been an overwhelming experience. He’s planned out again and again, thousands of times. There would be nights I lay beside him, awake with him, as he can not sleep thinking about you. Because of you, Thomas went that extra mile for his family, and because of you Thomas was made into the man that I fell in love with. You are very important person in my eyes and I want you to be in Oskar’s life. You’re an amazing grandfather to him and the male role model he needs. I look forward to you in our future.
Love Always,
Your Daughter-in-law Emily