Songs of Memories

What A Wonderful World - Louis Armstrong
Tears in Heaven- Eric Clapton
Little Did Know (She Kissed a Hero) - Kristy Jackson

Him - Lily Allen 
Where is the Love? - Black Eyed Peas

No Regrets

Today was the day I meet my grandson, Oskar for the first time. He doesn’t know how close we really were all these years. Julia has been telling him, that I am her Renter who occasionally comes to visit. She said we were never allowed to meet and I’ve been not so secretly feeling anxious about not knowing my own grandson. I know this may seem ironic, as I did not want to meet my son but this time it’s different. I don’t want to make the same mistake I did with Thomas.

            Now I realize why Julia never wanted me to meet him. I am unstable, and I know that. I’ve walked out on her and our child. After meeting Oskar and listennig to how he speaks about his father not being there, I understand that it would be hard for him to meet me and watch me leave.

            Oskar is very eccentric, just as I was when I was young. He asked me to dig up his father’s grave! But before that, he told me everything he could possibly imagine about his dad. About my son. He trusted me enough to show me the messages, he has kept secret, which Thomas left before he died. Oskar also showed me all the research he found on September 11, 2001, what Oskar calls “the worst day ever.” He inspired me to the same, and so I found this news broadcast from that day. When I saw these flames I couldn’t help but think about my worst day ever, back home in Dresden.

Pictures of Dresden -- February 14, 1945

Over 90% of the city center was destroyed
1. Memento Mori. Wordpress, 20 Nov. 2010. Web. 18 May 2011. <http://alpentraum.files.wordpress.com/2010/11/
bundesarchiv_bild_146-1994-041-07_dresden_zerstc3b6rtes_
stadtzentrum.jpg>.

                                       

Dresden city center
2. "February 1945: The Death Of Dresden." WW2 Resource. Wordpress, 29 Dec. 2010. Web. 18 May 2011. <http://ww2resource.files.wordpress.com/2010/12/bombing-of-dresden.jpg?w=450&h=279>.

Scattered Bodies
3. THE DESTRUCTION OF DRESDEN - NEW VIDEO. British People's Party, 2006. Web. 18 May 2011. <http://www.bpp.org.uk/dresdendead.jpg>.

Bodies waiting to be Disposed
4. "Destruction of Dresden." Save Your Heritage. Web. <http://www.saveyourheritage.com/images/Dresden-pile-of-bodies.JPG>.

Burning Flames

Leaving his mother, Julia, was one of the easiest decisions I have ever made. Almost too easy. I could think of a million reasons why this was right. She’s pregnant. I love Anna. Anna carried my child. I lost Anna and our child. All these reasons are selfish and I know they are. But knowing that I lost Anna and our child, I could not face to lose another child again. I loved that unborn child and now refuse to love anything in fear losing it. Leaving was the easiest and best thing to do. This was my way of protecting him. He would never have to lose someone that he loved, his father.

     The day I lost my father was traumatizing. I remember the bomb falling, and all the wailing cries coming from people whose skin was melting off their bodies. As soon as the bomb fell, the first thing I though about was Anna and how I knew in my heart that I had lost them. I ran home to my family, but it was too late. The house was in flames and no one could get out alive. In the end, all that was left standing was the front door.

     The last thing I want is for my son is to go through a traumatizing experience. But I was too late. The hour of his death, also ended in flames. My opportunity was lost. My son was lost. Never to be seen or heard from again, by the people who loved him, or whom he loved.

     If I had known it would end like this, I would have not have left him or Julia. I knew, no matter what, it would hurt to lose a son I never met. What I did not know, is that A  Anna and Thomas would both leave this earth the same way, in flames. I tried to be a winner by protecting him, but I guess sometimes winners are meant to lose. Now my son will never know his father, who realized he made a mistake.

New York Times Front Page -- 9/11

http://www.nytimes.com/packages/html/nyregion/9-11imagemap.html

"I am who I am" (Exodus 3:14)

I haven’t spoken a word since the day I lost everything in Dresden. This was the worst day ever and it amazed me how that bomb set my whole life on fire. It was February fourteenth nineteen-forty five. The day of lovers. This also happened to be the day that Anna told me she was pregnant. I had never loved her more. Every year, on this day, when I see a young couple in love, I want to warn them that everyday is a new day, and anything is possible. Tomorrow could be the last day they spend together, and they should treat each other as so.

 It was said that over thirty-five thousand people were killed that day in Dresden, and Anna and our child she was carrying, were of them. Ever since I lost Anna, I’ve lost my voice. She was the one, the absolute one. The image of that day will continue to live vicariously in my memory forever. People melting everywhere, wailing out of horror and running as if to catch their own lives.

 The worst part was knowing that Anna and our child were gone and there was nothing I could do. Traumatized and left with only memories; nothing to go back to. No home. Nothing. I would never be the same again, and so my voice felt as if it was its duty to be the first to leave.

Everyday since then, I’ve keep empty notebooks to write down things I need others to know. It is my way of communicating with society. Frequently people ask why I do not speak, now I can write this link down in my notebook and they can read my story. I hope this blog speaks to them, as this is who I am. No holding back.

http://www.historylearningsite.co.uk/bombing_of_dresden.htm